Attending with Allies

Can I bring my friend/family/partner to a meeting?

You certainly can, as long as they are 18+, but please be aware that the FTM London group is dedicated to transmasculine people.

If your guests are not on that spectrum, we prefer that they see Martha.

Who is Martha?

Martha is our stalwart SOFFA group facilitator. She sets up at the same time as us in a nearby room, where she has tea and a chat with all the SOFFAs together, about whatever they need to discuss.

Sorry, what's a SOFFA?

SOFFA stands for Significant Others, Family, Friends and Allies. It is a term we use a lot in trans circles to describe our personal support networks.

Why can't my SOFFA sit with me?

FTM London sometimes has difficult conversations, relating to surgery or other vivid topics. Our attendees often feel better if they're talking only to other trans guys.

Our policy also gives you a really good excuse to politely turn down your mum when she asks to come with you, in case you don't feel comfortable with her hearing all this stuff.

The SOFFAs, also, can gain a lot from talking to other SOFFAs in private. They have different concerns which may be hard for you to hear, especially in early transition when you're going through a lot as it is.

Isn't it better for us to all talk to each other?

Sometimes, it is. That's why we occasionally have dedicated SOFFA meetings, where all the SOFFAs and the guys sit in the same room and discuss things openly across the cultures. 

These can be very useful and therapeutic, usually touching on topics such as attraction and physical relationships, and how these have changed. Warn your mum.

Sounds good, when's the next one?

We try to have the SOFFA meetings fairly frequently, but because we're forever booking and planning other events, it's not always certain when the next one will be.

If you sign up to our emails, we'll make sure you don't miss the next one. It's usually a big meeting, with lots of people coming from further afield.